Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Leaving, Unnoticed

Sunday morning was quite pleasant. It was sun-day for this rock as I waited for my student to arrive.

Sun + Paint + Coffee = Happy Sunday Morning

Later on my student arrived and brought me Oolong milk tea with white grape juice and most of the morning was spent talking about etymology, whisky, brandy, chocolate tablets, and sticky rice, apart from our usual lesson :3

Bubble tea for second breakfast :3

In the afternoon I got a bit agitated after waking up from a long nap, so I decided to walk over to my sister's place and have dinner with her. The walk to and from her home helped to relax me. 

Yesterday was uneventful but it was remarkably relaxed and productive. Maybe it is also because it is about time I got tired from finding myself in monologues I would unknowingly get myself into while seemingly always waiting for Golden Responses when I have actually been forgotten and filed under Unimportant / Access When Convenient, hence I got tired of being always left hanging. It's cumbersome, really, when I give something my full attention and sincere honesty and I pour, I pour, and then all I get is a trickle of pseudo-affection-and-attention. And similar situations drag on for several occasions. So it's not even anything. It's just a quasi-something. Further to that most of what I share and release are forgotten and it would always take a while, an effort to remind, a series of triggers, before something clicks back into place, and it always feels like starting again. Thus when I felt the exhaustion taking over, and accepted that all there is could just be an ersatz connection, well I do not really know, see, so I accepted I do not really know, then I felt more relaxed and became more productive because I have stopped thinking of excuses to make things seem better than they are, and all that time and energy just went to Doing Things. 

And so I was able to finish the sun-rock and make another that was inspired by something I saved in my Evernote. 

A Love Owl. Or a Heart Owl. Oddly, it is awake while the sun shines. 

I was also able to color this soft, big mammal. 

This strange creature is soft and big and smells a bit like cotton candy (bubble gum flavor).

I realize it does matter a lot to me when even the little things are remembered, the oddest questions are not brushed off, and conversation trails are not left hanging, and I somehow understand what Hayden meant and felt when she screamed that she matters (though I still hold that she is Insane and I am only Not-So). Thus, I have become Fatigued and no longer wish to budge.   

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