Wednesday, April 24, 2013

On Mental Competitions

The Day She Went Ahead, Since She Always Wanted To Be Ahead Anyway (2013)

Brought about by some 2012 writings that I came across last week. Writings about thoughts that began some time in 2010. About girls who somehow feed on and breathe imagined competitions. A girl whom you would think is your friend, but is actually just keeping you close to know what the latest "competition" is all about, though no one else in the world is aware that such a competition exists. You tell her you like a guy, and the next day she is suddenly close friends with him when she has ignored him all her life. Someone casually compliments you about something you both do, and the next time she is fired up to do even better than you. A mutual acquaintance suddenly gives you a surprise present, and next thing you know, she is sucking up to him, asking for things for herself. You realize, after years of being "friends," that you are her "alert" when she needs to level up anything else, other than those she is already killing herself to level up to. That is why she needs to know everything that is going on with you. So she can pace the progress of her life targets and goals. You are her convenient friend, just comfortably behind her, or a distant second to her in anything, that she can turn to and giggle with whenever there is an audience (including imagined ones). This is also why she makes sure she is Part of any plan you have and any trip you take. To maintain her status as always the one ahead. And if anything happens, anything that suddenly places her behind you (based on her own perception), or even BESIDE you, she gets upset, eyes blazing orange, greatly motivated to move higher no matter what. Which explains why the atmosphere is never relaxed with her around. Which explains why she NEVER shares anything personal with you, despite the many questions she asks you all the time. Which explains why she can only give you hesitant, vague, curt responses when you do try to ask her something about her, even if it's just as simple as where do you get your haircut. Which explains why she always seems to be Suddenly There whenever something is going on with you. Which explains why you eventually try to avoid her like the plague. Which explains why she will play clueless and invite herself to your life and your space and your privacy despite clear messages that you are getting on with your life without her and her insane mental competitions. Which explains why it drains you as you try to weed her out and she tries to cling on to you as her checklist of Things To Fight For. Which explains why you should get out of that kind of fake friendship. Which explains why you are not friends with her anymore. 

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