My sudden plan earlier today to step out and sit somewhere with coffee and a book and my journal pushed through, and after running some errands with my bag full of essentials (money for coffee, my journal, two pens, an inspiring book, iPod), I found myself on an outdoor table at a place just a few minutes' walk from the house, drinking iced coffee and breathing in the suddenly pleasant afternoon. I immediately felt it was a great idea to step out upon feeling the brightness of the day on my face, and hearing the busy-ness of the day going on around me.
Despite bringing my essential things for that moment, I decided to just sit for a while and watch things and people and time and the world and life go by while drinking my coffee. However something compelled me to at least take out the book I brought. I had a tough time deciding which one to bring for this walk, and my sister suggested I bring Prayers to the Great Creator by Julia Cameron which she said helped her a lot as she was going through a tough time recently. I'm not big into verbal or recited prayers, but I took it along anyway, because I took a peek and some pages I read had all these inspiring affirmations which I think I needed at this phase, especially after last night's insanity.
So I sat there drinking coffee and watching the cars go by, and I thought that instead of writing out the tumultuous commotion in my head, I might as well do some Listening instead of (written) Talking. So I took out the book and read particular affirmations with words or phrases that seemed to jump out at me.
After that I ended up writing about four pages of that moment with all its thoughts pouring out of me. I just wrote the same way I would write the Pages, coming from all directions and meeting on a single line, without any plan to find a solution but carving onto paper a space for the solution to manifest itself, among all that verbal rubble. I wrote about that exact moment I sat there and what brought me there, until I was immersed into it and I was freely writing down my fears and apprehensions about many possibilities, some of which I could not find it in me to accept, while at the same time I was writing about knowing my own strength and how I would be able to stand up and keep going, just like how I have always done. And then next was line after line of my sincerest affections, until I reached a sudden blank, and I took a break by looking at the nearby plants.
Then suddenly, a thought, which I wrote at length, but which I would simplify here: I would like to know how things shall unfold, but I wouldn't until they do, right, so might as well Enjoy any given moment while it is there, Make the Most out of it, and Be the Best that I can be while I am at it. Regardless of how things turn out, taking these three key courses of action will ensure that I come out wiser, stronger, and better than ever before, and I won't crawl out of it regretting how I behaved towards or dealt with things, or feeling like I didn't do well enough considering I already know how I am supposed to deal with such things. More important then, than how things unfold, is how I evolve in the situation, regardless of its outcome.