Thursday, October 17, 2013

Goodbye

Again, I embrace a mountain of lessons. Next time, really. I owe myself that. 

All Just Wrong (September 2012). When I painted this I was thinking of how many things start out so perfectly, until one becomes aware how well it is all going, then once one pays attention, things just somehow start being all wrong, and one wants to go back to how things used to be, or wants to run forward as fast as ever in order to get away, but then time suddenly seems to drag by so slowly, and one feels trapped, and alone. 

And so, basically, I say: GOODBYE. I AM SORRY. I WAS DREAMING. 

I See You, Then I Drown (March 2013). This is basically about how someone and some things just take one's breath away. And somehow one cannot seem to "catch" it anymore, and she just... drowns. And she dies. 

Just like something I retweeted recently. About being done exerting the effort to be always present and remembered. This time, should you want to, IF AT ALL, then seek me out. 

If You Knew What Went On In This Head, You'd Think I'm A Gold Bar (March 2013). Need I say more? But then again the question is, would one be even remotely interested in what went on in this head. Itai ne. 

A part of me thinks of this all feels like a Mean Joke (and like why all Mean Jokes seem to have to come from a certain place), but most of the time I try to see it for the purpose that it serves, though right now instead of the lessons, I feel more of the rock-hard lemons being thrown right at my chest and it hurts, along with an avalanche of Spoken Words which to me are like, okay wtf was that, were YOU the one dreaming then. But yeah, perhaps. And that is why next time, no matter how big-sounding and promising some words are, until the Main Idea is declared, then, pfft, NO. 

AND SO, JUST... BACK TO ME. 

The Odd Girl (March, 2013). Uhm, yeah. THINK, before you say anything. Oddness and all, she is still a girl after all, even before she became odd.

Sometimes I just ache for the Tardis to come and take me away. And I won't even look back. I am tired. 

The Tardis, A Sketch (June 2013). Doctor, yes. 

Alright. So. Goodbyes are now in place. Perhaps you should try to look back at all the things you said, and maybe, you might understand why they held so much promise, and how they have now all shifted to something much, much less, in appearance and feeling, which is what I now sense. I have no freaking idea what the reasons or triggers are, but no matter. I am tired, and if you would really be the person you seemed to be, then YOU be the one to seek me out. I am tired and my wings are burnt. 

Mercury Pineapple (August 2013). Looks at you. Just looks at you. 

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