Monday, November 11, 2013

Warming Up, Turning Cold

I have never actually drawn "proper" flowers ever before, and the closest I've gotten to drawing them was when I drew odd versions of the Camomile Caster, the Blackeyed Susan, the Lily of the Valley, and the Bridal Veil, some time in July. 

The Flowers When No One is Looking (2013)

However  I received a commission for anthurium-themed pieces and though they are not supposed to be typical anthuriums in a typical background and setting, I believe warmups should be in place. 

My First Go At It

I still have to practise more (^^U)

As I do warmups on the said pieces, I feel I am turning cold on some recent thing, I guess because I have become just oh-so-tired of going along with it as though things have not changed, but they really have. I have shifted from Trying To Hold On, to Staying Put And Being Readily Available, to now: Refusing To Even Entertain Anything Of It. I have grown really, really tired. And as I realized last night, I no longer want to just Half-Hear from him through the generic posts and announcements for all, most of which I do not understand anyway; it is way too far from when we had Actual Conversations On Things. Now I feel more like an organic form of private Facebook or Twitter to which he merely posts random, generic updates, when he feels like it or when he even remembers to or is "automated" to, just for the sake of keeping up the last dregs of probably-forgotten conversations. 

I do wish though that when I turn cold, I turn Completely Cold so that I do not feel anything anymore. I do not want to feel anything about it anymore. (There is a disclaimer on this though, which was in this morning's Morning Pages but that would make me sound way too loony right now if I ramble on about it so okay, no.)

Meanwhile I feel like sleeping for days and days and days and wake up when my own personal super typhoon is over. 

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