Dark ruby. It's just the morning sun making it redder and brighter, but it's really much tamer than that.
I try my best each day to deal, and right now I am just thankful that I was able to actually SLEEP last night, and I actually slept through the whole night. Of course there was the usual ill-feeling upon waking up and realizing what I must do, but I tried my best to think about other immediate things like getting out of bed and finding my Morning Pages notebook and checking where the cat is and putting my hair up and making sure the cat did not eat any of my desk-things.
I cannot get over the fact that none of the certain beautiful things that took place earlier this month would ever happen again, and I realize how deeply disappointed I am by how things turned out. But see, I MATTER, and though I would rather be like the Lucky Girl Whose Excitement Cannot Be Contained by finding my forever home where she is, I do not really think there is any home for me in that life, nor in that heart. I do not see it nor feel it. And being one who Matters, I must bravely albeit painfully walk away and, you know, Matter.