I have been having thoughts last week of starting to write my last instructions and requests for when I finally meet with sweet death, but I have been going through quite a lot lately so I never found the time for it, until yesterday morning just declared itself as The time for it, so I got started already with some of them last instructions and requests. And then I wrote a letter too. I've sealed and put them away for now, and anything else I remember shall have to follow next time. Who knows, things can get so, so much better than they are now and big changes can be made in the instruction contents, but then again, I may meet with sweet death any minute now, so we cannot really tell can we :D In any case, my initial writings are now sealed and tucked away and certain people have been informed of where they are and what the key is :)
I am still hoping for brighter and happier days ahead though, so that I would not just be antsy-and-impatiently-waiting-for-sweet-death, and instead living life the cheerful, solitary way I used to before this whole thing came to me. So now I am making a conscious effort to move forward despite a tough decision I have yet to act on, and this line from Ashita no Watashi no Tsukurikata totally MOVED me:
"I'm still a little scared, but I want to live my life the best way I can in my own way. Because even if something bad happens today... something good might happen tomorrow."
And so I use what strength I have left, keep in mind that I must continue to grow, and seek the help of Freyja.