Monday, April 28, 2014

On This Absolutely Silent Rainy Afternoon

From The Jane Austen Book Club movie. That scene where Prudie struggled. And then she chose to do the right thing.  

In the midst of work, disrupted by the ringing of silence. So this plays again. "Save Me" by Aimee Mann. And while I secretly, wistfully seek it from one I need to walk away from, I must do it for myself. And while it kills me on each morning I wake up, and on each awfully silent day of absence, and on each sunset as memories stab and wound, and on each night I die from an entire day of uncertainty, I must do what I must. If I am really worth all that trouble, there is always, always a way. Even if I have fallen into silence myself. Even if I have walked away. Even if I have morphed into an unexcitable fang-girl. THERE ARE WAYS. And a really sincere, truly serious, truly present one will have the open mind to figure them out. If it is true that I had really opened that mind, then that mind would discern that I am not one to be closed off from the world. And from all the pretty things that we could be. And be kept in waiting indefinitely. I deserve more, so much more. I deserve true happiness. 

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