|Hers, His (2014)|
So, this sunny-ness is not exactly helping me now. Ironically: coloring such a cheerful drawing from Tuesday night, and then looking out and feeling this heat of the summer and being overcome by nostalgia, which right now is not helping my recent episodes of anxiety, which are now accompanied by afternoon sensations of mild illness. Since Tuesday, actually.
And so, realizing that these sunny afternoons have such strong associations with certain things and scenarios, I think I must cleanse the paths. I think braving the Invisible Afternoon Monster is the way to go. I believe I must get out and walk the specific paths and drive the Invisible Afternoon Monster away. I would rather run away and get away and forget. But this Invisible Afternoon Monster is not going away and I am not sure how long it intends to stay. So I must go towards it. Exorcise these paths, these spots, these places. And then stand guard until it tires of snarling at me and stabbing me with certain thoughts and words and scents. And then come back on each weekday, and exorcise these roads, these paths, these places, and face it and brave it each time, because it does not die easily, apparently. Until one day, the whole task will be nothing but some tiresome ritual and the Afternoon Monster will just dissipate into nothingness because it just lost its magic and ownership of those roads, those paths, those specific places. Then maybe, the sunny afternoons won't get to me anymore, at all, because they would no longer be associated with anything, except perhaps peaceful silence and dear solitude.