Monday, June 2, 2014

Been A Month

And a day since.

Not that I am counting, but I just realized as this month came in. 

It has been a month and a day, and I've been sober since, sober with the plain days and the quiet nights, starkly different from the drunkenness of overwhelming (vb.) the owner of lovely eyes and a powerful voice. 

I believe I have been getting by quite well, no more of the crying bouts; just a few moments every now and then when it aches in the inside-places, and I can only exhale and try to move on

And then there has been music I somehow associate with that heavenly face, though I am not sure why, and there is a particular song and some particular lines. "You're Not The Only One." By The Sundays. 

"You're not the only one I know"

"And I'm too proud to talk to you anyway"

"But if you do, don't you know"

"That I don't mind."

Many things and people have been a remarkable help to me in getting to this stage of okay. And then I guess I would often get distracted from the old drowning because of some mild overlap of emotions about something else that was quite pinchy in the heart at least for a week, until things eventually showed me that no, not quite. In any case, I am still in the process of healing, and I guess might as well heal myself of other old patterns too. Perhaps recent disappointments sort of threw me back to one I have been trying to leave behind, but I believe I am still moving at a good pace moving forward, even if I may sometimes be passing the same paths, hearing the same sounds, feeling the same things. I think what matters is that I am moving forward, and that I do not let anyone hold me back or slow me down in my own process, or compromise my own journey just to force certain issues and things. I shall go on, so one can either catch up and catch up completely, or, having gone ahead, wait for me at the station, with no more extra baggages, and no more secret meetings, or perhaps meet me halfway, and THEN we can go. Someplace nice, and more importantly, someplace Real. 

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