Friday, November 14, 2014

A to E

So this is one of the things I have been up to. 

Drawing the alphabet. 

A for Andante, which I am currently listening to. 

It is quite fun to do them, but I must admit it is also hard work especially on the hours I am overcome by the lethargy of the windy afternoons. 

It is great to be working on them though, especially on moments when I feel frustrated about anything else. Doing this grounds me. 

B for Bulldoze. It has been a while that I have been bulldozed, even if all the while I have been pretending to be unbulldozed and unflattened. It was just this afternoon when I finally had the B as in Balls to admit that this recent B as in Bulldoze Incident has kind of made me feel like Tipping Over To The Other Side. See, there was this woman whom the world always loves and to whom life is always kind to, and she asked me to paint something for her in such a sweet manner that I tasted sugar in the air. She was even so excited about it I thought she was going to jump. To make the short story shorter, she handed over the commission to someone else after asking me. 

C for Competition. Or Crazy. Curving towards the crazies, I know. Just let me say, surround yourself with people who truly support you. It takes a level of skill and loads of experience to discern which is which, so just learn as you go along. Sometimes people will cheer you on loudly and speak of dreamy future states, only for you to realise you were being lulled into a state of halted dreamy promise so that you would not get too far ahead, because you are so trusting these people to go along with you so you kind of give them the time they supposedly need - people who praise your work and criticise their own and yet suggest exhibits together so that you would hold off your plan to hold your own. And then next thing you know they have turned everything into their own exhibit, totally leaving you out and only playing "nice" to you again when they have gotten ahead or, as in their minds, "winning in this important competition." 

D for Dreary, which is what this post has become and I promise that was not D for Deliberate.  I apologise profusely

E for Eggs. Scrambled. Let us pretend it is morning and time for breakfast so that we can pretend that the previous letters came from a dark dark dreary night and that it is all over now :D Well at least I had taken the step to admitting I was bulldozed and flattened, and now I can start moving towards Solutions instead of the Straitjacket or towards the Sunset, Screaming, and Disappearing along with it. I cannot possibly swim in sugar.

So what can anyone do when one feels attacked or manipulated or brushed aside or flattened? Well, get up of course. And fix one's hat upon getting up.

Sometimes we get to that point of feeling like we are Tipping Over To The Other Side, but I guess the things that cause it need to happen so that we can just finally exhale, let go, and get back to whatever it is we can only do at the moment anyway. Oftentimes, during the points we most feel that things are hopeless or pointless, we start filling up with some kind of renewed energy or courage or inspiration to either go forward again or create a new path altogether, since we have begun to feel like we have reached such a low point we have become acquainted with the taste of earth. We are not sure where that renewed vigour comes from, and usually we doubt it will ever come, but wait for it; listen carefully, do not forget to breathe even if lightly, and soon enough, you will hear it. The quiet sound of you filling up with this renewed vigour and courage. Perhaps it will be mixed with a tiny bit of element from having partially Tipped Over To The Other Side, but that is okay because you would not have that added flavour if you had not reached that Tipping Over point. 

E for Ending. This blog post has ended, but I am sure more lessons shall be coming. I am calm now. I think. Okay, I am calm now. Sipping my black coffee. Unflat. Renewed. Trusting. Albeit selectively.

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