Thursday, August 30, 2012

Old Blue

Although I feel this way (see title) sometimes, XD this post is more about a theme that has the color of dark blue and a feel of a good kind of old in it :D

Blue with hints of (old) gold

Lately I have been drawn to this shade of blue, and last night as I continued a painting, I enjoyed most the part where I used this color. 

This color theme photo has much fewer elements in it than the previous one I made with pink and purple, because I have more things in pink and purple than this nice shade of blue, and I don't have too many items with a goldish hue. I really love the tsuba and the watch here, though, even if I was never able to write about them before (^^U) Anyway, in a nutshell, I received this beautiful watch as a Christmas present from my sister's friend, and I think it's one of the prettiest things I have received. I received the tsuba recently, like two or three weeks ago, when a guest hachidan sensei came to the dojo to practice with us. He gave his shinai to a couple of other guys, then gave me his shinai bag and tsuba (^___^) Basically he said it was good practice with all of us.  

As for this shade of blue, I am thinking of painting something with mostly this color ♡ I've been so in the mood for it lately. I wonder if color psychology has any explanation for it or it's just a fleeting moment :D Anyway speaking of fleeting moments, I have also been craving for Japanese and Italian food since yesterday, and the other day it was all about soft serve (^^U) I hope that by today, all these cravings will have gone away because they are making me constantly hungry! 

Monday, August 27, 2012

A Sign with Butterfly Wings

Better a sign than an Immediate bullet, right? XD

Yesterday's frenzy was remarkably lessened by writing it all out and searching for the pictures in my many, many folders. By late afternoon I only had small bursts of giddiness, and by evening I was very, very sleepy as though I searched far and wide for some possibility XD (Actually a part of me wondered what all that Inspiration post was all about apart from being some kind of Release. I guess it could be a general map for anyone who might be frenzied in the same way as I was/am, and it can be a reminder that could help in grounding that person. Somehow. Anyway...) 

When I slept, no more maddening dreams XD (Oh, I never mentioned. The other night, this frenzy began its party as I slept, unsuspecting.)

And I was actually able to wake up at 5 am to go for an early morning run (^___^) (As I ran though, snippets of overwhelming images would flash through my mind. Great.)

And now, so far, my day has been quite under the more productive kind of inspiration which means I was able to jump into The Other Ship (see frenzy link above). All To Do's from this morning until now have check marks next to them, and I will be moving onto my translation job at 5 pm. *smug*

The overwhelming bursts are much more bearable now, most of the time. (Okay, fine, they, and this Impossibility I kept babbling about in the previous post, are all about this sudden uncontrollable outburst - or inburst? XD - because it's all bottled up inside XD of something which I cannot do anything about except wait for this exhilarating-slash-tormenting phase to pass me by. )

And so anyway, as I watered the plants earlier this afternoon, and I was thinking about it (just as I have been thinking about it since it sneaked upon me as I slept unsuspectingly during the weekend), I found this beautiful thing.

Caught up in the moment :D

And at first I was like, :O sign! But knowing how SELECTIVE I can be about these things called signs, the next immediate thing in my head was more like: 

Ah, the possibility. 

Beautiful, yes. 

But, fleeting. 

Okay. You win. 


So I just took their picture and moved on :D Well. 

(Okay that is the last of it XD I will have this ship sail forward faster so I can get more important things done without being Too Frenzied.)

Sunday, August 26, 2012


(from an Evernote page, one of Those)

There are two kinds of inspiration. One is the kind of inspiration that makes you work hard, accomplish something, move forward, do well, stick to new or better or life-changing habits, or make a difference in your life and/or someone else's. When I am inspired in this manner, I get to put a check mark next to everything in my To Do list, having done each item at a perfect pace, within the allocated time, and with an excellent output. When I am inspired in this manner, it is easier for me to absorb information, control my mind and my mood, and refrain from taking untimely breaks or procrastinating. My eyes are big and bright, and I can easily hear a prompt from the Universe to do or start or change something just in time for something bigger. When I am functioning and living in this kind of inspiration, I am exhausted at the end of the day, but deeply satisfied and eager to rest just as I am eager to wake up the next morning to accomplish even more things and continue to do better in anything I wish to do. 

Deeply Satisfied

This is when I am able to write a page in my Japanese journal, prepare my lesson plans ahead, finish translations or any kind of similar task in a shorter amount of time, wake up early in the morning for a nice long run, have anything I need to use at any time carefully prepared, share a blog post complete with photos, put AND keep things in order, finish a painting, or begin and finish chores. Basically, I am able to begin things I have been meaning to and finish them, all while sticking to schedules and routines. Moreover, I look as prim and proper and neat and calm as a Victorian governess all throughout that busy-ness. 

And then, there is the other kind of inspiration. It might as well be called an otherworldly kind of giddiness, but more than just being in a drunken, floaty state, it can still fall under the category of inspiration because this state still prompts you to make something, to do something, to be someone, except that everything takes place in a very disorderly fashion. You want to do things but you cannot sit still. You want to go out for a walk, a run, but you have no specific destination. You may want to start something but finishing it is another matter. You just feel inspired to sing, to dance, to run, to paint, to play an instrument, to color your hair, to sell everything you own and replace them with new ones, to get a tattoo, or to sew something experimental from scratch without following any specific pattern. Some part in you takes the lead, and you are willing to ride along with it. This could be the perfect time to just paint something and see what comes out, or perhaps paint on sheet after sheet of paper even though they all end up unfinished (you can create something else out of them when you are inspired in the more orderly kind). This could be the perfect time to walk away from your schedule with nothing but a pen and a notebook, and start writing something, anything, as you sit on a sunlit bench that is the farthest seat from an organized daily routine. This is when you run uphill and throw yourself on the grass when you get tired, and listen to your breathing while closing your eyes and lying on your back. Perhaps anything will do, anything that will release all of that which supposedly inspired you in such an overwhelming manner. 


This is when I cannot sit still, and I have to keep doing something, even though I am not particularly thinking about its end result. This is when I have a million pictures in my head to paint, which is a rare moment, and yet I am halted by the blankness of the paper. This is when I play song after song but they seem to play a little too late because my mind and my emotions have somehow moved on to another level, and I feel like I can never catch up to them. This is when I want to go out for a run but I refuse to be confined by my shoes. This is when I sometimes ask it to stop - this thing, these thoughts that inspire me in a partly pleasant and exhilarating, and partly tormenting manner. 

I cannot sit still.

With the first kind of inspiration, you look back at the things you have perfectly done, and you sometimes even feel smug about it, but more importantly, you feel deeply happy and satisfied. Everything is, most of the time, in a calm state, a kind of plateau that is good and comforting. 

Calm and comforting.

The problem, or the part I do not like about the second kind of inspiration is that when I start sobering up from that giddy, otherworldly state, I also realize why it is that kind of inspiration that this thing, whatever it is, produces. It's because it often stems from something that Really Cannot Be. But a certain compulsion, or in some cases, addiction, makes this Impossibility so nice to look at, to poke at, to test, to see how far you can deform it to an almost-possibility, though you know perfectly well it will always return to its state of Impossibility. And it excites you. And that moment of nudging it to the edge of a table, that moment of kneading it to disfigurement, it is when the giddy inspiration builds up. And you produce your painting, your poem, your sculpture, or experience a high in your run, or firmly decide on an unusual hair color, at that exact moment when this Impossibility is at its most deformed, that you almost begin to hallucinate, seeing that tiny crack, that tiny line between its Impossibility and the possibility, that possibly, maybe, what if, what if…

What if? What if? *swirly eyes* 

And so, stemming from that something is this hazy state which finds its peak at the Impossibility's most deformed. 


But, inevitably, it starts to shape back into its Only Temporarily Malleable Impossibility. Usually, its capacity to withstand being hammered and molded into unsightly shapes occurs only once, because after that, any attempt to shape it as you wish is near to impossible, and that colorful state has long gone, and you will only end up with hands raw and painful from trying to control this firm and hardened Impossibility. You realize it is set into stone, and there was just a moment when you could play with it and imagine it in other forms. 

Firm and Hardened Impossibility

And at this time, all that giddy inspiration goes away. All that is left is usually the Want that it came with. Worse, the maddening desire. 

The Maddening Desire

This is what I don't like about it. On a brighter note, if you are evolved enough, this then gives way to a monotonous phase, where your brain tells you to function as though you were inspired in the orderly way, and you just do as it says. You wait for the fiery, maddening desire to die down. Your brain knows it HAS to die down, otherwise it's going to be YOU who will die. 

The Maddening Desire HAS to die down.

And then, eventually, somehow, after a time you hardly notice because it seems to take too long beyond reason, a trigger comes along, inspiring you in the more productive manner. And you feel not only satisfaction for having done so well, but you also feel relief, for making it to this stage. 


Sometimes, it does not become quite as dark as a seemingly long phase of painful, maddening desire for an Impossible Thing, because you may also skip right to the other (now suddenly looking better) kind of inspiration. Again, if you are evolved enough, you can make that happen. 

A better kind of inspiration.

Right now, however, although I believe I can skip right to the first kind of inspiration as my Giddy, Otherworldly Ship starts to sink into the Absence of the Possibility, I AM still in that overwhelming state of drunken pleasure as I tear at this soft, claylike Impossibility, making it into distinct shapes I didn't think I could ever make from the material an Impossibility is made of. 

Distinct Shapes made from the material of Impossibility

At the back of my head I know that its core is already hardening, and I won't be able to mold and change this thought, this idea, this reality, as I wish. Soon I will just be sitting in a no-longer colorful room, staring at this hard Impossibility with glassy eyes. 

But until then, I am taking what I can seem to take from it, believing I am prepared to jump to the other inspiration ship when the time comes. 

The other ship.

Sometimes though, it IS very overwhelming and I tell it to stop. 


Oh, but what of the Maddening Want? I guess it will always be part of what's left behind, but as I head to the other inspiration ship, I will make sure I wrap it in a cloth that I can easily contain in my bag, so that it does not spill out and make a mess of me. To make sure it does not stay hidden and heavy, I can take chunks from it every now and then to feed my first kind of inspiration onto a different level, as I go about each item in my organized list to the next. 

But Now, it is all about this drunken preoccupation with poking, pushing, and kneading this Impossibility into shapes and forms it shouldn't be in. 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

♡ All Eyes on Matthew ♡

I adore Matthew. His artwork is quite interesting. And I like his colorful pals. 

I also think that the growling sound in his page sounds like my stomach when I am very, very hungry and starting to lose reason.


Anyway, I don't know why I seemed quite into multiple eyes during the last part of October and the early part of November last year. I think it started when I was in Hong Kong and I woke up from a nap and couldn't stop thinking about creatures with many eyes.

All eyes on you.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Arthur and Eva ♡

Remember Arthur? That sweet guy I had a date with? XD 

Anyway, we (my sister and I, not Arthur and I, but I am just getting to the Arthur part) ran some errands during the weekend, including the pickup of some more vintage LPs. In the process, we get to see Arthur and his daughter Eva, who are my most favorite dogs in the world XD

Eva was so excited...

... while Arthur had that certain calmness and coolness knowing that he used to be THE number one favorite dog before Eva came XD

I miss them already T_T But it was so lovely to hug them once again (*^_^*) 

As for the LPs, we are still organizing them and I will be uploading some photos soon (^_^)

Friday, August 17, 2012

Munching and Chewing

Oh yes, they are among my hobbies XD

Milky cracker that kept me company while I did my translation job yesterday

And I especially love Munching and Chewing on Japanese snacks and sweets (*^___^*) I remember when my sister and I would have them for breakfast before classes :3

Matcha and Adzuki Caramels from my student who just came back from Japan (^_^)

So while I did my translation job yesterday, I was munching on some milky Japanese crackers, and today, my student and I shared some chewy caramels with matcha and red bean flavors (*^___^*) He just came from Japan and brought the caramels when he came to the house today :3 The crackers were from my mom's friend who goes to Japan every now and then :)

Chewy red bean and matcha flavored caramels 

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Running with Rouse

The weather has been quite cold and gloomy lately, but on a brighter note, my grandmother is being discharged from the hospital today. I think she still has a long way to go before a full recovery, but I hope she gets better much more quickly, not just physiologically, but mentally and emotionally as well, since she has been worrying about so many things. As the Tao Te Ching says, Be right where you are

Anyway despite this gloomy weather, the music of Josh Rouse has been making me feel like running across a field of flowers.

A 2003 painting I dug out from a bunch of old works

I have recovered from a slight illness myself, my Monday and Tuesday occupied by headache and dizziness, but as of last night I was starting to feel better already. This morning I woke up feeling lighter and until now, still no dizziness. I need all the energy because I have been taking care of things around the house, since my mom has been spending most of her time taking care of my grandmother in the hospital. She and my other aunt (the one who taught me how to sew) have been working very hard to take care of things, after all they are the only able ones who are still here in the country. My other aunt living here is disabled and is also currently ill. 

Anyway, to each his own, and today I am back to work. I still have a long way to go with the translation job I am working on, and I really want to finish all of it already, so I can spend more time on drawing, painting, sewing, and selling our merchandise. 

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Project Pause

My grandmother has been ill, and is currently confined at the hospital. I visited last night with my dad, after kendo and having dinner with one of my classmates and her brother. My grandmother had been in great discomfort but I was glad to see that before we left last night, she was feeling much better, was laughing with us though weakly, and was enjoying a piece of sweet bread. It is always a good sign when a sick person starts to feel hungry after days of refusing any kind of food. 

My grandma at home, about a couple of days before she was brought to the hospital. She was not feeling well anymore, but has some of her latest handmade crafts laid out on the table. No further projects for now, until she gets well. 

About a couple of days before she asked to be brought to the hospital, my mom, my sister, and I visited her at home. My mom had been spending a lot of time with her there, so my sister and I tagged along on one of her visits. It was nice because from being sullen and sad, my grandmother became more cheerful and was already playing jokes on us. She also gave us pretty head bands (^_^) My sister and I left ahead, but in the evening, by the time my mom left, my grandmother was already able to eat more than what my mom expected, and was happily watching TV. 

My mom bought one of my grandmother's handiwork for gifting to a friend of hers who loves yellow things.

However, the next day, my grandmother was complaining of pains and difficulty breathing, so she had to be brought to the hospital already. This afternoon, one of my cousins posted a photo of our grandmother lying in the hospital bed, but smiling, so we all hope she recovers real soon. 

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


One of my mom's cousins, who is also my godfather, came to Manila to bring his father (our granduncle) home, because he prefers to stay here. My godfather was only here for a short while and then he needed to get back to the US. So while he was here, he met up with relatives and friends. Fortunately, my mom, my sister, and I were still able to squeeze ourselves into his tight schedule :D We went last week, exactly on my mom's birthday :)

I think I last saw him when I was a.... CHILD :D

We have not seen our granduncle for a long time too except in Facebook pictures, so we decided to visit them in their home so we could say hi to him. This meant going back to our hometown and walking the streets where my sister and I grew up. (The same street led to where our old home used to be.)

Is it just me, or is the doll in the blue gingham is kind of... curious?

In fact, as children, my sister and I spent a lot of time in their house whenever our parents would go out on their dates. Our aunts would take out the toys and miniature chocolate magnets and time would fly by until our parents came to pick us up. Many of those toys are still with them, kept in these glass cabinets with these really old dolls. It was all kind of nostalgic, really. 

Yes, it's a different doll :D This one is wearing a pink gingham dress. It is NOT the same doll looking at you in a DIFFERENT way :D Well, maybe in the picture it is quite obvious they are different, but when we were there, for a while we felt like she was Always Looking at us.

The house also looked pretty much the same, and we remembered lots of the details from when we were kids. I wanted to check out the backyard to see if the swings and see-saws were still there (I am not sure if there was a slide, I think there was) but I don't think there was anything there anymore. Besides, it was starting to rain again so we had to say our goodbyes and let them have their breakfast in peace :D 

It was nice seeing them again after a long time, and it is even nicer to see them well and happy ^_^

We then walked to our grandmother's home to visit her, and on the way we dropped by the home of two other grandaunts, one of them recovering from a double fracture on her left foot. As for my grandmother, she was so pleased to see us there so suddenly, and she made us eat cake before sending us off :3

My sister and I feel lucky to be as old as we are and still have our grandmother as well as some granduncles and grandaunts around, and still be able to talk to them and take our turn in being the ones to tell them our stories. It is great to have the chance to be old enough to show them our appreciation for them and to give back what we can for as long as they are still around. 

Monday, August 6, 2012


... for Marichit :D My sister's name. A bit of Merida also she is :D

She requested for this leafy M. 

Last year I made a small, leafy K, and she's fixated on it since then because of the tiny tiny leaves. So last week she requested for a bigger version of the first letter of her first name. 

So I made her an M, and thought I'd share its... growth. 

You can also find this in my Doodles page. The leafy K is somewhere among the lower/earlier posts. 

She thinks the leafy detail is awesome. My fingers think the leafy detail is aw-

In return she drew me a P for my name (^_^)

You can also find this in her blog which is full of inspiring images. 

Friday, August 3, 2012

For This Rainy Day

The weather has been driving people crazy XD One minute it's like sunny and warm then the next minute it's rainy and Way Too Windy. 

It's been like that for days, and this morning, I woke up to find everything so still, and it was quite bright like any summer morning. I figured the storm has totally left, though I realized I spoke too soon. After a few minutes, the trees outside my window began swaying like crazy and I saw people outside scrambling to either take out their umbrellas or run to the nearest shed. 

Anyway here is another one of those old doodles from 2010 which I decided to color only recently. I think is quite timely to post it now when it's rainy. 

A 2010 Umbrella

By the way I think my external hard drive is broken and it is where I keep all my file images and I was only able to back them up over a couple of weeks ago (>.<) So I lost a number of images. In any case, I'm letting it rest for now and maybe I will test it again later or tomorrow. I hope I find a way to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it. Otherwise I am sure things will still work themselves out just fine :3 

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Art (dot com) Girl

You can watch how I drew this HERE.

I just stumbled across the artpad of and decided to draw the first image that came to my mind. The finished drawing isn't much, but I did enjoy watching how it was created / how I created it XD Haha simple joys. 
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