Monday, December 31, 2012

Things to Outgrow / Leave Behind

Oh, this is so suitable for me. 

One of my unfinished collages, layered with text. I mean wise words.

These helpful words are from one of the books I mentioned I cannot put down :3 I mean, really, it is time to leave these things behind :D 


A friend had his family fly in from Japan so they can enjoy the holidays together. My sister and I, along with another family-friend, had dinner with them last week. They also gave me some omiyage, which I very much appreciated and shared with the rest of my family. 

A tin of snacks, and I especially love the almonds!

It was a really nice evening, and I loved meeting these new people :) 

That was Thursday, and since then, I have obviously been quite busy. I have also been reading a lot, since I acquired two new books (one is new to my possession, but is actually a very old book) and I can't seem to put them down, that I have been kind of neglecting the other six books I am supposedly currently reading. Anyway I am sure I will get around to them :3 This is one of the books I have been hooked on:

This, and a book about Jane Austen, plus Howl's OST or a compilation of classical music, immersing myself in them for a whole day, make me feel so... old. But in a good way :)

I have been wanting to find and acquire this old book, and my sister found it in a second-hand bookshop, and gave it to me as one of her presents for Christmas (^_^) 

Anyway I just dropped by to say Hi and HAPPY NEW YEAR, though I've no artwork that comes along with today's greeting. I am, in fact, in the middle of Oosouji (major cleaning), in preparation for welcoming the new year, and my hands smell like a mixture of cocoa and vanilla because of the essential oils I currently use for my homemade potpourri

Before I get back to cleaning though (I take frequent breaks, because the last time I did some major cleaning, I overdid it without stopping to rest, and I fell ill :D), I am relieved to say I seem to have been weaned from an intense phase/state, and I am leaving it behind with 2012 :) 

To show my gratitude to 2012 for everything it has brought and taught me, I begin 2013 with taking my happiness seriously, taking love seriously, and not allowing myself to be Intoxicated by fleeting things. 

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


My Christmas day was so hectic I had no time to post nor do more than two things from my To Do list XD (Yes I still had my usual To Do list for Christmas day because I had every intention to work and do other daily things.) I was only able to do a little promotion of our vintage LPs for sale, and to update my CV (because I am now actively looking for more part-time jobs to add to the ones I have now). Other than that, Nothing XD I was able to post this on my Facebook wall though, along with a general Christmas greeting:

A Street Party, and all of them are feeling festive. 

On Christmas Eve the whole family ate together and opened presents, and even after my sister left, we hung out for a long time by her car parked outside the house, talking about so many things XD Later on my mom came out and said it was quite late and that we would see each other again the next day anyway XD So I let my sister go on home, and I still did a few other things and slept at like, Four AM. 

The next day it was Christmas lunch at my grandmother's, and we stayed there until mid-afternoon, and back home I just had coffee then napped a bit, since I was feeling floaty already due to only five hours of sleep. In the early evening, we went over to an aunt's home who invited us over for Christmas dinner. It was so much fun and it felt good to catch up with all of them, including my cousins. We came back home a bit late, and I was so tired, but I felt happy about how things turned out. And at the end of Christmas day, I think I had a few more realizations about true family, true friends, a true self, and how 2012 is making way for the True Paths in 2013. 

Monday, December 24, 2012

Muse of the Poolside

Muse of the Poolside

Watch how I drew this via Artpad :) 

And by the way, I named my bear Alexee :3


My hair has grown to its longest, and it seemed to me to be just a mass of dark heavy hair without shape or style or form.

I like the mermaid feel though.

And then just for a starter experiment, I snipped off about 15 cm of it to create some mild layers.

Just a tiny bit. Just a clump actually, for the sake of layers, not shortening the hair entirely. 

It's just a mild layer I wished to create and I first wanted to see what it would look like. My hair is still quite long but it has more shape/form now. Later I am thinking of cutting some more for a bit more layer. 

Sunday, December 23, 2012


So I was just listening to this track, 

"I Don't Think About You Anymore But I Don't Think About You Anyless."

Just listenin', just thinkin', just sayin'.

Collages and A Canned Bear

Yesterday I took some time to revisit my collaging. I used to use my old journals and planners as collage pages back in the 90s but eventually I threw them all away because of bad associations and I just didn't like many of them anymore. Then months ago I decided to get back to collaging because it is a different kind of pleasure from drawing and painting and a refreshing way to put images and ideas together, so I dug out an old big notebook and bought a medium-sized one for various collage spreads. I never got around to it though, and only managed to stick some images on a few pages, but I have also become quite active again at collecting these images that I can use for them when I finally sit down to do it. And then there is also my Japanese scrapbook which I mentioned last month, in which I incorporated some of my watercoloring. 

So yesterday I reopened my collage notebooks and my container of images that I have gathered so far. I still have not put together one whole spread, but I have managed to add pieces to different ones. I trust they will all evolve soon enough :3

That means I still have no actual output to share here XD I did manage to find a cutout, though, of one of Clive Barker's illustrations from an old, worn-out copy of Abarat, and I glued it onto a wallpaper-like  background, so it looked like an old-style wallpaper from an old house and there are odd paintings on the "wall." In this image though I threw in some random objects from around me whose colors I think mix well with the, uhm, "wall" and its displayed artwork. But otherwise it did seem like a "wall with paintings" XD

Or maybe it IS a wall with giant pins and candy and accessories.

I saved some other incomplete collage spreads too because I think it would be nice to layer them with text but more on that next time as the words have yet to form or find me. 

Today I received another Christmas present - it's from the friend whom I gave the first set of monthly to-do lists to:

Bear-san, he came in a nice Christmas-can.

I have no name for him yet, so he is just Bear-san for now :D Just a few minutes ago, though, a name is surfacing in my head although the story behind it is quite odd XD I shall think (or feel) about it some more then decide within the day XD (wow I made it sound like a major to-do wt) Eventually I will sew a letter onto his sweater or perhaps make tiny brooches or add tiny buttons or maybe even make Other Shirts :D

Right now I wish I were playing kendo with some friends but I have some things to take care of T_T As for these other things, maybe they needed to happen, or I am sure they needed to happen to make me fix or change things which will all eventually result to better days ahead. (>.<) I can only do my best and act on them, now, and to act rightly. 

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I, Peachie

Now using ipiccy :3

I was looking for new, completely free online photo editors since most of the picmonkey tools I have been using are now upgrade features and I can no longer use them for free D: So anyway I found ipiccy and explored using a recent photo of me spacing out the morning after recovering from my fever :D My hand makes the whole photo look like it shows an intentionally fashionable or stylish pose, but I was just really kind of half-resting my chin on it as I spaced out, my coffee turning cold XD Anyway, I had fun with it, airbrushing my entire face and deciding later on I'd make it all look like the packaging of some new, unknown Asian brand for makeup. 

Grimalkin's Glow - A Fictitious Brand for Fictitious Makeup! :D

I thought of the fictitious brand, Grimalkin's Glow, because I was thinking of a BB cream XD And then I couldn't think of anything to write about it, so I just threw in random phrases, including my New Year Wish to all single ladies who are wanting to be with someone: Obtain an Eddie Redmayne. Of course no one minds if it were the actual Eddie Redmayne, that would be superb. 

Take note, this makeup is like, awarded as the Most Popular Fictitious Brand XD (Reminds me of Japanese class: Watashi wa Fictitious Coffee Shop he ikimasu.)

Raspberry filler texts make me think of jelly-filled donuts and now I want donuts and coffee. 

Bewitch and Brand - makes me think of Alice Deane and how the idea of Branding Boys came to my mind. 

And then there are some random words about makeup. And yes I think this should be a BB cream as I am not wearing makeup in this photo except for lip balm. It's the airbrush magic. 

Maybe I should've removed most of the hand as now it looks pensive and no one looks pensive in a makeup packaging D: 

And by the way I cannot do anything about my eye bags. Sometimes I actually like them. I do not like the dark circles, but the eye bags I do not mind most of the time. 

I like the sound of Grimalkin's Glow. And can I airbrush my face everyday? Hahaha. 

Friendly Remind-ers

Really, they are Friendly, and they are there to Remind :D 

Monsterly To Do List

As mentioned in one of my previous posts, I still had to do another set of monthlies. I began the first half Tuesday night, but had to stop because my fever seemed to be getting worse, though making these relaxed my mind a bit. I was also glad I was able to finish half.

First Six Months

Of the six, these three were my favorites so far:

The April bunny was inspired by one of the bunnies I saw in Usagi Drop.

The next day, I did the rest, and identified all my favorites:

Miss January Odd Girl and the February Fabric Freak

Inspired Bunny

Our July Maiden. It had to be July. 

These last-quarter darlings were inspired by the works of Scott Campbell. They're so cute I kind of want to chew them.

And then I slipped all of them into a stationery and envelope set and sealed it up with a matching sticker and then we all signed:

Grimalkin was not able to sign but it was one of her many pairs of scissors that was used to cut the paper.

By Wednesday night, I was still quite feverish, and my body gave way to a certain anger that has been lingering for quite a while, and I wrote, and wrote, and kept writing until way past midnight about it, until I came to the realization that it's about time I do not Stay with whatever makes me angry, be it people, state, or certain thoughts. And then I wrote about what I can do about it and how it is about time I should really take steps, walking Away from people and things that hold me back. I shall one day find my tribe, my place, my pieces. And then after writing it all out and finding the beginnings of a resolution, I totally, immediately calmed down, and then I noticed how I've been working myself up about so many things, and that I cared about me much less than I should. So I spent some quiet time with me, without all the other voices and thoughts, and my temperature dropped remarkably, and I went to sleep. The next day, the fever was completely gone. I think I am a few steps closer to being ready for 2013, The Year of True Paths. 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Occasional Self-Portrait, with a Sinister Touch

From Dramatic Tea Drinker to an Obsessive Odd Girl full of Odd Love (Oh indulge me, I've been ill for the past couple of days).  

Butterflies in Her Hair. More like nutterflies. She wakes up and first thing in the morning, she is bombarded by thoughts of you.

Bloodied and Hiding. In no place to make demands, she keeps very still. 

Evil Drinker. She knows, she isn't pretty. 

Dreamy Dead. Even zombies dream. Fresh zombies. Old dreams.

Waiting by the Window. She waits, wondering when he will start singing to her in the dead of night, dying for her love, as she has been dying to witness. 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Busy Weekend and Anaru

So last Thursday I watched The Hobbit with friends (there were four of us) and I absolutely loved it - I also have a special fondness for Bilbo / Martin Freeman and all of us girls (my sister and Aya) have quite a special fondness for Kili. He kind of reminds us of someone we all know and so throughout the movie we were constantly watching out for him (with restrained squeals and gasps) should he be wounded or hurt in any way. Talk about involvement with the dwarves. However, the odd thing is that my sister and Aya hardly noticed Gloin at all, so when all four of us were talking about the other dwarves particularly Gloin, they barely remember seeing him XD Anyway we all liked the movie and would love to watch it again. 

The next day I was quite busy since I had to finish making some things. I finally finished one of the Monthly To-Do Lists which I had to give my friend that Sunday (I have to make another one for another friend). 

It comes with a wish that everything listed on them will be accomplished! :3

And then I had to make the red flower brooch my mom requested from me, since she had to wear it last Sunday for our family reunion. She wanted something kind of similar to the one I sewed onto her shirt before, but she wanted something detachable, that's why I made her a brooch instead of a sewn-on patch. 

Big, red, flower brooch.

Then I had to apply some varnish to a set of collected seashells which my mom needed to use for something. The shells were among the garden decor which was given to us by our former Korean neighbor before he moved away. Since some of them have lost their luster, she asked me to use even just one coat of varnish to make them look livelier. 

Varnishing shells

In the evening my dad suddenly felt like going out for a ride, so there was suddenly some kind of impromptu family road trip :D However traffic became worse so we went home sooner than expected. It was still okay though, because my desk was a mess since I was about to start painting another set of lists for another friend when my dad told us to jump into the car. So when we got back home, I had to finish it because I was going to give it to her the next day. 

More generic lists

The next day and Sunday I was already able to give away some of the gifts I made. On Saturday morning I made a few jars of sugar and olive oil scrub with honey, and I gave one to Aya when I saw her at kendo practice in the afternoon. At kendo we had our yearend shiai and everyone was amazing, especially those who fought until the final rounds for both kyu and dan levels. They all inspired me so much ❤ 

Our family reunion with our mother's side of the family finished off the weekend. It was quite a nice and relaxed evening for everyone, and I never even looked for my book once, because I enjoyed it. After the party, an uncle, a cousin, and a niece stayed behind to help us tidy up, and since we had not seen one other for a long a time, we stayed up until way past midnight to catch up. I had tea as I listened to my cousin's stories and as my niece tugged my sleeve telling me she was already bored XD On her hand she wrote the name of a singer she likes, and it kind of reminded me of myself when I would write the kanji of my nickname for someone I apparently still want *kind of apologetic* 

Speaking of which, apart from realizing I am affected by his every single inhale and exhale and blink and movement because I still like him *apologizes profusely to self* I also realize I just need to ride this out until it all dissipates into nothingness or indifference. But I DO have to ride it out. It IS quite tough but it somehow helps that I am now aware of that so that I can distinguish between reacting-normally and reacting-because-I-am-turning-into-Hayden. It also keeps The Compulsions at bay. And I have become less resistant to the Wanting Phases and more appreciative of my Indifferent Phases.

I admit though that I do feel like an Anaru most of the time to the Yadomi that he is, always, always preferring the Menmas/Menmause of the world. In any case, I trust I will be able to wean myself out of this, eventually, eventually. 

Now, I am ill, but off I go as I still need to sell some clothes from our little store.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

To Do

I know I said the other day that I was watching The Hobbit the next day so that was supposed to be yesterday but the movie is showing today so I am watching with my friends later instead XD 

Meanwhile I have been making something for a friend. 

To Do List for the month of February

It's a monthly to-do list :3 I decided to make this for him instead of my other gift idea because I think he would appreciate more if it's something I made; after all he asked for rocks I painted for his birthday this year (^^,)

Different Designs for Each Month :3

I am also making another set for another friend, and then a set of note cards for another. 

October, November

I have to finish this set first, though, before I move on to anything else. I also still need to hand-sew a big brooch for my mom for a party this weekend. I am guessing tomorrow, despite its being a Free / Rest Day (apart from my tutorial), will be spent mostly finishing homemade crafts and gifts and wrapping some of them :3

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Pretty Skirt

Okay, back to talking of pretty things (^_^) (The last couple of posts about factions and moving forward  were among those seasonal posts that just need to be expressed and shared every now and then.) Now, I was just organizing some of the skirts from our inventory and this one is my favorite and I want it for myself:

It is of a nice soft bluish-gray hue and I like the big round buttons at the waistline. If no one buys it I am thinking of buying it for myself XD 

This week is kind of busier than usual as I need to actually Make some of my gifts. I am positive though, that I will finish those that I need to by the time weekend comes around. Tomorrow I am watching The Hobbit with friends (^_^) I am also quite excited about Les Miserables. I was not able to watch Rurouni Kenshin anymore due to sudden changes but no biggie, I can always watch it at home when I get the chance. Besides, right now I associate it too much with other things so maybe now is not the Time for me to watch it :T 

Anyway I need to go now and paint some presents (^_^) 

PS. I realized only a couple of nights ago that I am so affected by someone's every inhale, exhale, comment, word, action, remembering, forgetting, presence, absence, glance, nearness, farness, shirt, voice, silence, mistake, bad manner, sweetness, message, indifference, and coldness because I (still) like him (omg, sorry, self), though only in strange phases and at odd intervals and despite my entire being's resistance to the thought of it. *wince* (sorry, self. *apologizes profusely*)

Moving Forward

I shall now try to move forward with a clean slate. I think it is better to wait and see how the cycles will turn, at least for now, as opposed to readily shooting down efforts of moving forward the moment it reaches one's ears and being so eager to talk about how fruitless things are and how everything is bound to fail. Too much has been said and too little has been done, and it may be time to let things fall into place. 

Monday, December 10, 2012

On Factions and The Cost Of Being “Divergent”

This post is a shared opinion of myself and my sister.

When an issue has been allowed to fester without resolution, it is most likely to get worse. And often, by the time any actual resolution is attempted, there is a tendency for things to be magnified out of proportion, to be imbued with the force of a breaking dam of repressed emotions, to be colored with various shades of personal vendettas clustered together and mistaken for a single cause. Reasons become blurred. Everything becomes emotionally-charged.

On the other hand you have the cause of grief complacent in their seat of power. Because no one has ever really truly challenged them in a valid way. So they believe they can just bulldoze their constituents with rules and expect no reaction beyond singular protests and veiled murmurings. They are difficult to contradict, it is said. But surely they were not this powerful years ago. Something could have already been done then. 

At some point, it will all come to a head.  And then some version of hell will break loose. 

Suddenly there are sides. Black or white. Where do you stand?   

Both sides, in their own ways, are forcing the hands of people. Both have their agendas, values, and visions. Both have their approaches. While one side is openly telling people to do certain things and uses blatant force, the other side is doing it guerilla-style and appealing to emotions. Both sides are pushing for their own way of things. 

Both sides are expecting to win people to their side. The thing is, they cannot expect everyone to take sides. Especially without a clear laying out of what the people are supposed to buy into. Show the plan. Show the mission and vision statement. Show evidence that this whole exercise is not just a temporary ego-relief and a short-term showing off of who’s boss or who’s the hero or getting revenge. Show instead that there is a long-term, solid and sustainable plan founded on the right kind of values that benefit everyone not just a few. 

In their own ways, both sides are forcing people to submit. Both sides threaten with the loss of something or someone. 

In the middle, some people are caught. There are casualties. There are tricky labels attached to people. There are people being forced to take sides because they might risk losing status as friend/ally/whatever. Loyalties being questioned but loyalties to what? Is everyone’s heart in the right place, in the first place? 

There are those who take sides based on convenience, afraid to be cast out, lose friends, or find it difficult to walk across a place and be judged. Who will mumble their agreements when within the faction they chose, but when faced with the “enemy” they mumble their uncertain agreement/disagreement/I'm-not-sure-what-they-say-in-the-first-place. Underhandedness, back-stabbing, too many secrets. A place broiling with dissent and resentment. 

Because no one did anything for so long and now everyone is scrambling to fix things. 

What do you do with those who cannot take sides? Those who see both sides of the situation, the reasons of both factions, the flaws of both factions? Those who see a third way, perhaps. Or those who choose to Flow, and Trust in the Cycles? Those who want to keep the hate and the anger at non-lethal levels. 

Things are not completely black and white for these people. Yet, if they do anything that seems helpful to either side, they risk being labeled as a traitor to a cause they never even fully subscribed to in the first place. What if they just do not totally buy into the way of both sides and choose to take their own stand? 

Picture this: People come in to the banquet hall. Everything has been cooked and prepared according to the belief of those who run the kitchen. People Just Want To Sit Down And Eat. So people sit down and eat. While they are at it, they gripe and complain and rant about those who prepared the meals and set the tables and decorated the place. This goes on for the entire course of the meal. They could have done something, if they want to change things. March to the kitchen and confront the cook. But, People Just Want To Sit Down And Eat. No one wants to take the responsibility of washing the dishes, cooking, setting the table, preparing the meals, and decorating the place. People Just Want To Sit Down And Eat. And yet they continue to gripe about the people who do it for them. But they just want to Sit Down And Eat. And so it goes on. And now they could no longer take the food being served and call it poison. But they have been sitting down and eating it all this time. 

If people really do just want to Sit Down And Eat, then just Sit Down And Eat. It will not always be a perfect meal and dishes will break and arguments may be heard in the kitchen. Sometimes a fly will find its way into a dish. But the banquet isn't just about that. Yet, if change is madly badly needed, there ARE ways to that. Bombing the kitchen will leave no kitchen, how will people eat? Killing everyone in the kitchen means there will be people willing to take their place. And will these new people share the same values and vision? Or will it just be another version of the old way -- the one who speaks loudest gets to dictate the menu? Or will there be, finally, an authentic community founded not on hate and anti-anything or anyone?

In these troubling times, the more one must be conscious where the True Path of Peace lies. 

And the True Path of Peace does not lie in griping sessions that has no clear plan of action to follow it through. Nor does it lie in doing every single thing underhandedly and surprising people with new rules. Nor does it lie in passing on what was heard in every hushed conversation, with each passing on giving birth to distorted versions that barely reflect the truth. *

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding." ~ Albert Einstein

*Post written with M. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012


Instead of buying a fixative spray as I originally planned, I just bought some painting varnish as recommended by JN, the great artist friend I mentioned recently, and though I did not enjoy the smell of the varnish, I did enjoy applying it and seeing the painted stones look shinier and the colors more pronounced (^_^)

I just woke up a while ago from quite a long nap while the strong wind pleasantly blew outside and Sigur Ros played in the background. Now I am having coffee and chocolate. I think I need some other kind of boost, though, however I am not quite sure what it is. I am feeling somewhat lethargic. Maybe as I check one thing after another in my To Do list I will be back to my usual lively state. Perhaps I need to feel more of Moving Forward. 

By the way last night I had a great time with a friend whom I had not spent time with nor gotten in touch with for quite some time due to busy schedules and my psycho phases. It was nice to be "back" (for lack of a better term / it's how I felt) and I am always happy being around a friend I can talk to and be myself with (^_^) 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Turquoise, Bordeaux, Auburn

I have used up all my turquoise ink! :3

While I loved this color for my old reliable Inoxcrom, I am quite excited to start using Bordeaux - more images next time. With its color quite close to magenta, it combines beautifully with the turquoise still in my pen. So my pen first wrote in a nice orchid color, until it became a darker purple, and now it is closer to its actual Bordeaux hue. 

As for the Sheaffer, I am still using the same Auburn ink I have been using with it, but I use it less frequently because there are times when it feels too scratchy to write with. I like it so much though, on days when it writes smoothly (^_^) 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Citrus Fruit Slices

Oftentimes, while my younger student toils at a quiz I make for him, I use the time to read or to paint. During his quiz last Friday, I painted rocks, to add to the options from which my older student will choose for his birthday

I also set aside some plain stones washed clean for him, so that he can paint on them too. 

I made another owl, but with different colors from the one I gave my sister before. 

I also made another one with wheels / top view of parasols / citrus fruit slices (the citrus fruit slices won). My student chose this, and decided it is full of Citrus Fruit Slices, so now it is Officially Citrus Fruit Slices :D

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Tote Trials

After my first tote which I intentionally made for myself as a practice piece, I then tried making a simpler, faster one that I can easily make more of for selling. However, while it is good enough to use, it is not good enough yet for selling (^^U)

This green isn't in my color scheme nor matches it so I just gave it to my sister who can use it along with hers. Even if I don't get to sell it, I am glad it is usable. It can carry a few books or notebooks, or wide items like sketch pads or watercolor sheets. 

I gave it to her yesterday when the whole family met up and went to the wake of my granduncle, whom we visited at the hospital some time in October. He had five children, and all of them have been living outside of the country since I can remember. Last night at the wake, one of them came to the wake after just having flown in from the UK. She is the same aunt whom I exchange messages with every now and then about Japanese topics, since she used to live and study in Japan before. The others are flying in today from the US, except for one who needs to take care of things there. 

People came and left in trickles at the wake, so when we arrived late in the afternoon, there were only a few people around. It was a very warm and pleasant atmosphere though, because people were sort of prepared for the passing away of my granduncle, who had been sick for quite some time, and the people were just also naturally warm and friendly and cheerful. We also got to meet some relatives for the first time, and it was generally a relaxed evening. We all had dinner and stayed in mass together, and as I told my sister, these people, though I rarely see some of them and have only met the others, feel so much more like family than supposedly closer blood relatives. It is pretty much like being around my dad's father's side of the family, who occasionally fly in to Manila (they all live in different states in the US) for big reunions. We all rarely see each other, and I barely know my cousins from that side, but I feel so comfortable around them and they are all very warm and forthcoming with us, like close families are. And last night's relatives were like that too. When it comes to my grandmother though, and my aunt who taught us how to sew, we feel the same way too and my sister and I actually enjoy hanging out with them. We're all like Maiden, Mother, and Crone (^_^) Anyway I was just musing about family matters because it feels nice to meet some again for the first time and to be around those whom I feel at home and comfortable with. 
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