Saturday, March 30, 2013

In Sunny Silence

Brought about feelings of: 35,000 years, and THEN you want to talk. Hence, the title of the above illustration. It isn't about anyone, mind you. It just came to me. I've kind of decided not to bet on the talking part. 

I am home and not at kendo, because something came up. 

Now I am feeling like doing something sunny. The sun is calling out to me I can practically hear its voice. I think the sun wants to give me a hug. I shall step out for a bit.  

Quiet Days

The past couple of days were really lovely, quiet ones, and I was able to spend a lot of quality time by myself, in the peaceful silence of (Holy) Thursday and (Good) Friday despite being in the city, although perhaps that is precisely why it is quiet, because everyone is away. While everyone is glad to be away, I am glad that I am away from everyone. *unsociable and taciturn*

Anyway apart from making illustrations of some interesting things, I also made another experimental stamp for my sister. I did the first one for myself, using it for the first time on an illustration of a fun Saturday night. My sister simply wanted an M, so I carved it out from one of my many (scented) erasers.

My stamps look shaky and uneven and as though I carved them right after drinking truckloads of coffee or ODed on something, but I kind of like something about their "rough edges." 

In other news, yesterday before watching some Supernatural (and adoring Sammy), I finished drawing this really cute girl.

There is just something a bit different about her, but oftentimes it's the "different" girl who has so many interesting things to share and so much love to give, on top of her honest opinions and candor. 

Friday, March 29, 2013

These Are A Few of

I enjoyed doing the books, though it took me a long time. A part of me was curious what was inside them and I think it would be lovely to be able to read all of them. Most of these books, I think, are fantasy novels, folklore, witchcraft, and histories about natural remedies and medicines. 

And there is a cup, still warm from the coffee or tea just recently enjoyed, a bookmark from a recently finished book, and I love the flower though I am not sure where it came from. I think the world outside of that window is pretty interesting. The watercolour tray was momentarily left there, though there are no other art materials around. There was also supposed to be a small bucket of paint there but I think someone took it and it really belongs to someone else someplace else. And then the handcuffs were thrown in last, and I think it just completes everything. HANDCUFFS. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013


I made this and "I'll Drown" by Soley was playing in my head the whole time. And somehow it is all perfect with this sunny, windy weather, with the whole city so quiet because everyone is at the beach or the province or the churches.  

Meanwhile, I drown. 

Okay, more like, drowned (briefly). This morning. I didn't see anyone (in person). But some drowning simulation happened (virtually), until I couldn't breathe (ripples of anger in some imagined water). I drowned once again in that occasional tsunami of questions that remain  unanswered. But then again that was just one of those few occasions when it all surfaces in my head. Generally I can manage to brush it aside because there is no use seeking answers that do not wish to be found. 

Monday, March 25, 2013


It's been all Cats lately in my mind.

Rediscovering my dusty box of oil pastels


Now I feel like wearing a neko mimi. And it would be nice to hug someone while wearing it :3 

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Friday, March 22, 2013

Eyes, Guys, EYES

These guys were born from a multiple-eye-phase in one of my Hong Kong travels. The initial sketches were quite small so I re-did them separately, one on postcard-size paper and the other on a 9.5 x 7.25. Here they are, all curious and welcoming at the same time.

Thursday, March 21, 2013


Something that was merely inspired by a photo I had before with a friend, with us sporting walrus... stirrers

Of course I still love bisons more. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Right Now, My Soul is Singing Colors

Noodles and Doodles

After Monday kendo, most of us who practised went over to Moshi Koshi to have dinner together. 

During some waiting time I'd sketch The Suicidal Mechanical Pencil Lead, which was born from one of my recent Sunday tutorial sessions, when my student said it was not very good, and suddenly it just fell (or jumped) from the table. I colored it yesterday and now here it is:

The Suicidal Mechanical Pencil Lead

Some of the people who came looked at my sketchbook and one of the sensei amused us by drawing some images on a tissue paper. This was one of them and I think it is cute :D


I also asked Aya to draw something :3

Working on some magic with a (pencil) wand

And she drew me and Lorenz and Sean and ramen among other doodles and I think it is all adorable.

Aya's Rad Doodles. I particularly adore her drawing of Lorenz although he is upside down and you will kind of need to look silly in front of your computer. Or perhaps just turn your phone upside down.

Apparently, Lorenz also draws and when he has finally used That Hair Tie (from yours truly) to pull back his hair, he showed us some things he can draw :3

It's really a photo of the hair tie because you see, the people only ended up becoming shapes. 

And as he drew for us he told us many interesting stories and we totally enjoyed them (though some were scary T.T)

Mostly war-things, taught to him by his grandma ^^,

I think it was perfect where I sat because I got to have nice conversations with people who turned out to be great to talk to and I didn't need to nor feel like I had to sit through anything. Of course the Shio Butter Corn ramen was also SUPERB, so I MADE some people order it :D and my friends did :3 

I had a really wonderful time. ◕‿◕

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Even More Birthday Things

In addition to birthday posts and More Birthday Things, here are even more of them. Well, the second item is not exactly birthday, or may count as one, but in any case it was still for me, from when some kendo friends went to Hong Kong for their dan exams and one of my friends who went bought it for me :3 So it can be birthday and omiyage and thanks for borrowing something (I lent him my Okashi Land discount card XD) all rolled into one XD In any case these below are very much appreciated (^_^)

It's a phone cat. It patiently carries my phone while I blog and paint and read. 

Sweet :3 Chocolate for Chokomochi

For You Whom I Love

Friday, March 15, 2013

Thursday, March 14, 2013


The weather has been flaky today, shifting from rainy to sunny, but most of it is sunny and it just made me feel all right. In the afternoon I was painting something as the sun shone through my window.

It was something from Julia Cameron, something inspirational that I wish to share, about saying no to things that do not serve you. 

I made some changes (again) to how I go about preparing and going through my daily to do list, and I think this latest version is most efficient and inspiring for me. As of now, I have finished all the items in my list, and it is only 5:40! I still have time to do my "secondary to dos" (those which would be good to do, but are not exactly top priority). 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Digging Out and Decluttering

So I spent Monday evening doing some extreme cleaning and de-cluttering, as I mentioned in a previous blog post. No wonder I felt more up for drawing again after it, a big old plastic bag of random, forgotten, unused objects in the past year that sat undisturbed under a table in my creativity corner has finally been taken out, its contents sorted, and most of them finding their way into the trash. There were old documents from last year's Hong Kong trip for kendo exams, broken figurines I had meant to fix, unused cutouts for collages, fabric scraps, old receipts, pieces of something I do not even recognize, among other odd bits from here and there. Among them are five items that made me go wtf, heave a million sighs, go oh-so-there-you-are, laugh out loud, and snicker at myself (respectively, as with the items below):

Like, WT???? I do NOT even know why I have this. Nnnnnnnnnot exactly funny. Weird BPI check from nowhere, meet Gomi Bako san. *tosses*

Really, you turned up so suddenly I thought it was a sudden punch to my pudgy face. WHY were you even there and why do I need to see you. 

Anyway next in line is that which made me heave a million sighs, before I was buried under an avalanche of flashbacks, and before I lost consciousness underneath there was the last feeble whisper of what-is-this-universe-a-mean-joke-? and then I die (dramatically). 

I was sliding on rainbows and that was all before I found out, oh, kekkonshiteiru. *signal for anvil to drop* 

There is nothing wrong with your eyes. But of course I wouldn't just flaunt and disclose unnecessarily. At least based on my opinion. Okay, not making sense. Next.

And I was like: OH SO HERE YOU ARE. My rune stones. 

I used to consult these a lot, and way back I'd show up at Halloween parties and read for people (for free). Anyway nowadays I would have to read and study an old rune book again. I could use these stones again. For myself. And then I can read for you.  

And among random objects lies the head of a king. My sister and I call him Tadase, and now his head has been found! And he made me laugh out loud and report him to my sister who has been kind of missing him.

An old planner - I don't even know why I still have it. I think I meant to recycle it as a collage like what I did with the old bigger planners, but NOW I remember after it has made its way to the trash. 

I snickered at the old planner though, because I realize how OC I must have been, making sure each day is color-coded and writing in very small letters every single thing I finished for that day and then I'd have a "miscellaneous" list for all other things that I do not need to do for the day but I still think I need to do at some point and that includes even leisurely activities so I do not forget them. :3 Anyway now my planner looks different although I would still say Lots of OC Traces. 

With the old bag of old things gone, I was able to make space for art-things (^^,) I was also able to sleep soundly again the same night I did my extreme cleaning (though I am not finished yet, that was just one section). However last night I think my body had been too tired from lack of sleep and doing so much and thinking so much, that I had some nightmares again, and one of them was too graphic to discuss here, though it is more emotional than scary. And then in another dream just before I woke up for the nth time, I remember sitting on my desk, and our laundry woman coming up and telling me that Suddenly-Distant-san was at the door, and left a message for me, that he will be coming back on "Thursday at 4:40." I was extremely puzzled, feeling the scornful and disdainful energies from downstairs where he stood, and I wondered why he would even come by, when he clearly scorns me. I was so puzzled I woke up, with "Thursday" by Asobi Seksu ringing in my ears and thinking that 4:40 is such an odd time. Upon getting out of bed I recalled my graphic emotional nightmare, which also had to do with him. 

Now Thursday is playing and I can only wish I soon, soon, feel NOTHING about this person. Fairly enough, it has lessened significantly, but I am targeting Zero. So that there would be zero meaning to associated things and zero effect from inhales and exhales

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Truly Great

I've been in some kind of slump recently, along with long phases of mild anxiety attacks, which prevented me from doing any writing job, getting around to chores, and drawing anything. I started something for a friend (the other adult walrus) the other day but it seemed to take forever, since I could not sit still and was oftentimes agitated, sometimes with a dull headache. 

A Derwent pencil extender - one of the birthday presents I got ^_^ It comes with a bigger sized one. 

Anyway last night I did some extreme cleaning and de-cluttering instead of going to kendo (more of this in another post), and I think it helped significantly as I let go of stagnant energies sitting with the old, unused things that I threw or gave away. I was finally able to sleep well last night, as opposed to the few nights before that when I'd wake up in the wee hours from a nightmare, and even my daytime naps had napmares. Then today I got around to continuing what I started. 

Preparing the colors I was going to use

Because I was feeling much lighter, I was able to work on it straight and felt more relaxed (^^,) I think it was also great to hear from another friend of mine who just flew back in last night (he was calling actually but I was already happily, peacefully asleep XD so he just called in the morning), and he talked about how much fun he had in his trip, and he wanted to know How I Have Been Doing (which I greatly appreciate from a friend by the way), and I told him about my general current state (from the anxiety to the clutter clearing to the process of coming to terms with some sad realities to getting back on track in moving forward). Then, I spent the rest of the morning finishing the illustration for the other adult walrus' secret wish/fantasy/random-thought-which-turned-into-a-full-blown-detailed-scenario. 

Stephen's Truly Great Breakfast

Good Morning! ^_^

Still-sleepy bear with pillow and  GIANT coffee (well at least for him it's gigantic :D)

Monday, March 11, 2013

More Birthday-Things

So my birthday weekend was much more sociable than the actual day XD I was with PEOPLE and I was OUTSIDE. :D My weekend began with someone bringing me MOCHI at home. 

Mochi for Chokomochi :3

And then there was kendo which I totally enjoyed, after which my sister and I took out a friend of ours to dinner because it was also his birthday last week. His birthday was before mine. We treated him because we want to make it our regular practice to treat a friend who is celebrating his or her birthday, as opposed to the habits of most people to oblige the birthday celebrator to treat everyone out, unless of course the celebrator insists on treating everyone out. So anyway our friend Dave felt more Japanese than Italian (we gave him Japanese and Italian options), so we went to a nearby ramen place since he also had to be home early. Another friend (Stephen) decided to tag along with us.

My Pork Shoyu Ramen

After very pleasant conversations over noodles, Dave still wanted to treat us out to coffee, so we transferred to a nearby coffee place we also frequent. My sister and I had our picture taken with the birthday boy, and Stephen and I decided to be very mature, respectable adults.

Photo with the Birthday Boy

Walrus Pals. We are very grownup.

Actually, we've been trying to have our walrus photos taken during dinner using chopsticks, but I couldn't keep my chopsticks secure because of my laughing bouts. (I practically snorted whenever I'd catch a puzzled look on the face of a customer from another table.) At the coffee shop, we conveniently had an entire section to ourselves so I was able to turn into a full-blown walrus and feel there was nothing funny about it, just walrus. 

And then, my weekend ended with another sweet present brought to the house.

Milk Chocolate, White Chocolate, Dark Chocolate Hearts ^_^

I did not have any pre-birthday blues this year as I would usually have before, but I did have some post-birthday blues yesterday, unpleasantly mixed with great anxiety and occasional headaches. I was not even sure what I was anxious about, but I'd feel ill after eating anything. I suspect an annoying conversation the previous night also had its role, as well as the uneasy part of shifting towards a bleak sobriety mixed with mild feelings of loss, and a general feeling of desolation fed by everything else. So I went to sleep really really early, though I woke up at 1 AM, feeling anxious and achey. I managed to sleep eventually, and was able to get out of bed at 6 for a run. 

Friday, March 8, 2013

Birthday Girl

This was basically how I looked like yesterday.

Yes, sleeping clothes most of the day, with my hair down. And I got many messages through my phone, my Facebook, and through email. Then there was one text message I read upon opening my eyes that kind of made my heart skip but only for a short while. By the time I got out of bed I was unaffected again XD It was just probably because it was the first text message I got that morning and I was not quite expecting it and it made me smile wider than I would think. So anyway, moving on, there were the Facebook messages oh I think I've talked about this yesterday. But anyway basically that is why there was a tiny heart coming from the phone illustration, though it is on the dark part of the page. No biggie, really, it was just very fleeting. And then there was a  bee outside my window, trying to get it, and it reminded me of another bee, and I know that shouldn't be the case, so to my surprise I just effortlessly decided to safely tuck away from it. I know I have tried about 30 million times, but the difference this time is that it just felt effortless. 

And then there is a video cam, for the idea of shooting certain films with some friends, and some of them would make me golden, see. And then of course, there is a BISON. Sadly though, I did not get any bisons yesterday. But of course I am happy about everything else :3 In between meals I had way too much chocolate. 

Morning Run

I've been running again early in the morning for about a couple of weeks now and lately I see all these beautiful big red leaves in the park which I have never seen or noticed before. So after a long moment of corpse pose after running I saw something like this in my head:

Meant for Marichit

I drew this for my sister - I tried to make a Neil-Gaimanesque man for her but how I failed! D: He looks more like some rad, cheerful, sweet Asian boy. Anyway I shall keep trying, I shall keep trying. 


Something I sketched as I sat through a tiresome conversation that never changes, evolves, nor solves anything, and only magnifies issues and keeps them fresh. (No this wasn't during my birthday, luckily :D)

Like, I've sat through many versions and occasions of it, but it just all goes around in circles. I hope it's going to be the last (at least for me) because really, there are other greater things to talk about. 

Which brings me to choosing and having the right companions. Finding one's tribe. I think it's about time. It should not matter if it's just one or two people you're with, as long as the quality of time you spend with them is worth your while, as opposed to being in a big party of people with nothing much substantial to talk about and you walk away feeling drained and having learned nothing. Well, perhaps you learn to avoid such occasions again :) In any case, it is quite tough, but I think it is important to keep trying. Eventually you weed out some and keep those who recognize the same thing as you. 

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Birthday Bison, Bison Obsession

Who DOES this I mean REALLY

But it's true, I read a bit about bisons, and I read that a species is called bison bison, and a couple of subspecies are called bison bison bison and bison bonasus bonasus. Talk about ASTOUNDING. Oh maybe I am just biased because I like bisons in an unusual manner. I mean really, ever since 2010. And I have been wanting A BISON PLUSHIE SINCE. It would be rad to hug a real one too, though I think that is just risky, right. 

I am having a nice, warm, serene birthday so far and many many many warm fuzzy messages have come my way and are still coming! The first one that came through my phone (the one I woke up to) kind of made my dan tien skip (isthatevenpossiblewhat) and my sister cheered because she likes him for me but there was one in my Facebook too that kind of made me MELT (still melting) though No One likes him For Me except maybe one friend but I believe I can manage because I have non-action plans about That Whole Thing so okay let us move on my thoughts about close contacts make my face burn omg shitsurei shimasu. 

*recovers with less red face*

Quite appropriately today is my Rest Day so I don't need to work or even follow a To Do list so I can let my hair down (omg I still have not cut my hair and I now get to SIT on it) and just do whatever in my favorite house clothes. Perhaps later I shall draw me. Okay I'll do that and everyone can love it unknowingly loving ME nyahahahahahaa~ 


Made by my friend Aya, and since she posted it on my Facebook wall, she, my sister, and I have been exchanging comments that sound sweet and strange but are actually very.... Deadly and Incriminating XD Basically things about walls, arms, sideburns, sundaes, among other things. Oh if only they knew how GOLDEN we really are. XD Oh and we also talked about bisons, bison bisons, bison bison bisons, and bison bonasus Those. XD 

I also heard from my friends, those who understand what I mean when I say "glares at seahorse" and "chicken and telephone ice cream." My friends, who embrace all of me, weirdness and all. 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Throwing Rocks

Not really, I am just listening to Throwing Muses and the idea of throwing rocks just hopped in, though I wouldn't really think of doing that right, so I might as well cut to the chase and flaunt show off what I've been actually doing to rocks recently.

These are the same rocks from a recent post but this time they are VARNISHED. (I just had the urge to  emphasize that, I am not shouting.) 

I know one of the rocks in the linked post is missing, but that is because I finished it ahead so I could gift it to a friend of mine who recently celebrated her birthday and here is That Stone:

Individual stones are posted, as usual, in my Rock Art page. Okay maybe in a few minutes :D 

Monday, March 4, 2013


Haha XD Okay so I drew this last night, but decided that I shall not finish the series I've been mentioning. This isn't actually the last of it but it will be the last of it because I just felt that it was time to... stop it. 

Something about this illustration of mine made me decide to stop with the series of illustrations I had in mind. It must be her face, her eyebrows, her smile, his shirt, I am not sure, but it's definitely not her hair clip.

There is only supposed to be just one more illustration left to complete the series but I decided, no, I just won't finish it, and each of the first four ones including the one above will just be [treated individually / counted separately]. I am really just being OC about all of it now, thinking aloud, so please do not throw hair clips at me. 

I also decided to scrap out some other sketches I had in mind. I think it is time to make new ones and currently I await. 

Sunday, March 3, 2013


Being antsy last Thursday and all, it gave birth to the thought that:

If You Knew What Went On In This Head, You'd Probably Think I'm ア Gold Bar

And yes, it is the third of the series

Yesterday I think I did quite well, but not because I did well, but because I was just effortlessly inattentive and was focused on having a great time with the girls later in the evening, and was thinking of the bigger world, thinking big. I remembered that while I am pouring out almost everything in my illustrations and my writings, there is no need to act needy and to be actually needy and attached. Besides all my things were in order and I think that helps me, helps me to become more Proper about things. I still ADORE his hair though, reminding me of Lucifer from Supernatural, and for a while I got distracted but I am glad it was only for a short while. Most of the time I was just doing my best on what I came for and was thinking of the bigger world out there and was looking forward to being with the girls. I got home feeling very light and very happy, not Emotionally Drained and Full of Questions. And I guess it also helped that I was preoccupied about giving my friends what I promised to bring for some of them. I think having started to move forward since Wednesday was also quite significant. 

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Who is THAT

Can totally sing Hard to Handle by The Black Crowes in her mind but can only MUMBLE some incoherent sounds in actuality

I came across this photo from a couple of years ago and I suddenly thought of cutting my hair but then again with summer on its way I think it is most convenient to keep my long wavy locks so that I can easily tuck them up in a nice messy bun with a chopstick. (It used to be a pencil but I have to draw with it so might as well use of the chopsticks  I use for mixing colors.) 

And there goes my plan to cut my hair. *looks through spyglass* 

The Effortful Act of Ignoring

Rabu Ri. Part of the series, though lemme post each ahead and then later on I shall post the whole series. If it reaches a state of Completeness. 

It's my first illustration for this new month, though I have already started it on the last hour of February 28th, and it was simply carried over due to Extreme Drowsiness. This below was February's farewell, still quite uncertain, until March came and a refreshing idea was brought to my attention, giving birth to the finished illustration above. 

Though the picture was still uncertain, she already had certain images in her mind, making her smile and glow all day. 

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