Thursday, January 30, 2014

Photographer Teddy

This is what happens when you let your photo be taken by a teddy bear:

DAT PAW :)) 

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

After Ten Days

I know, it has been over a week. And it did not help that I have been either busy working or recovering from my on and off feeling of illness because of the weather. Yesterday I started to come down with a fever, but I ignored it and took a long walk with my sister to catch the sun and to buy some things for my artwork, and then walked back home before the sun set, took some medicines, and then worked until an hour past midnight. I had to work because my deadline was in the earlier part of this morning, but I did not mind at all because I started feeling better as I began to work. I guess it is because it is the kind of work I like. 

While I was away (from this blog at least), I managed to finally paint something on canvas. For the first time. I think my output is a bit "shaky" but I guess I am okay with it even if not exactly thrilled. I did enjoy working on it though and feeling all these new textures and feeling the difference with working on paper. I also finally did something on canvas as a practice before I work on the commission I have been doing warmups for. I did a lot of testing and feeling and changing colors and such, and it all felt uncertain, but I have to Just Keep Doing, right. 

In the previous photo I was setting it out to dry after having sprayed some fixative.

I have yet to post it in my artwork blog, but soon, when I am feeling much better.

In other news, I have finished reading The Night Circus and I really liked it, and I got a bit emotional at the last part when *Spoilers* Bailey accepted the responsibility and I was so moved by the thoughts that ran through his mind, and by the rêveurs who were always there :') And then all my selves applauded as Widget started to tell the story of The Night Circus itself. I closed the book full of wonder and magic and love. 

And though I often feel a bit sad when saying goodbye to a finished good book, I am also quite excited to pick the next book, and this time I picked Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen. I have seen the movie and it was nice, but of course I would rather experience the whole thing in the book. Apart from the fact that I would love a Henry Tilney :)) So, apart from the other books I am currently reading, I have begun with Northanger Abbey. There is a free ebook download here via Gutenberg

Last Saturday and Monday were super great and super happy kendo classes. Saturday we had nine teachers total, five of whom were visitors from Japan, and though time ran out and I was not able to practise with all five guests, I was able to do it with four of them. Fortunately, the sensei I was not able to practise with last Saturday was around during the Monday session so I was able to do keiko with him, and he even conducted a different kind of drill during the first hour and everyone had so much fun learning from him. Today I am still feeling a bit ill, but I shall do my best in kendo class later. (I know I mentioned previously that I am in some kind of crossroads with kendo, but I realized in my recent Morning Pages that I have to treat it now as the regular activity that it is and just do my best to make the most out of it, instead of viewing it as a situation I am in. After all, time has to be given for things to settle, and within that time, I am free to choose what to make of it, and thus I choose to just make the most out of it. I guess I just miss some of the structure and order and the patches of warmth when things become really bleak. There are still patches of warmth, albeit lesser in number, from a few [now fewer] very specific people, and somehow they help make everything, everything, more tolerable.) 

Now it is nearing lunch time, and I shall leave you with a random sketch I made, which I decided to color in the end XD It was inspired by a photo of a Facebook friend - she is one of the super kendo girls I was teammates with in Penang and I just noticed how her smile always stands out in pictures and brightens up everything. 

Now I shall organize some image files then prepare kendo things, and TAKE MY MEDS. My head feels swollen but there is no way I am staying in bed in this nice sunny weather. Happy Wednesday, y'all ^_^

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Winter Wishes

It has been terribly cold, and sometimes I think I am shifting between being ill and being all lit up and festive like Yuletide lights. 

Tomorrow when I write my Morning Pages it will be the last one in a notebook, and the day after tomorrow I shall be starting a new set of Pages. These pages that have been helping me realize and resolve things, even more so since the latter part of last year. I guess I have become more intertwined with them than ever. 

Earlier I was either editing photos on file or hurriedly deleting them because I just suddenly did not like them, and then I came across this photo of mine when we went to Hong Kong in 2012

I kind of hoarded things from Okashi Land and got lunch from Pie & Tart. Or was that second breakfast? My occasional hobbit habit :3 

I wish I were going to Hong Kong this year : | 

I am not, though, due to a myriad of reasons. Also I am in a kind of crossroads now with regard to kendo, but I am staying put for now, and see how things shall unfold. The truth is, I think things would be much simpler for me if I had the means. Better yet, how I would love to just live in Singapore instead and practise there and paint and oh there is the cello school but alright that would sound like asking so much :)) 

I was just writing a while ago; I do not know how suddenly an avalanche of thoughts and emotions washed over me D: The truth is, lately, I have been feeling like Squeezing Myself Out Of Things but I am not quite sure which things those are. Well, I have identified some, while some are still formless or they are probably closer in form to an abstract stage which is formless so I just made no sense there, alright :)) 

Omg maybe, just Maybe, all this is triggered by something I am going to dismiss right about now. (Odin knows about it and he knows how I shall Not Even so okay end of discussion.)

Okay back to non-riddle-like and saner stuff. (Whoa. Sane.)

I finished painting this yesterday. I wish she and I did have such moments. With dancing onigiri and stern fish and all :)) 

Dancing Under the Stars (Jan 2014) 

I shall go have dinner now because suddenly I got tired just deciding which wish to make third and realizing the first wish completely depends on the context which, right now, is not really very Certain and Orderly. I remember teaching my student this morning and we discussed some vocabulary words, one of which was Precarious. 

Oh wait, my shoes :)))))

This is what happens when I am not around in forever and I grab from everywhere my supposed posts throughout the week :))


I went to have dinner and then completely forgot I was writing a blog post D: 

The other day I decided to finally decorate a pair of plain black shoes given to me by my sister.

I decided on lace and rickrack. 

And those tiny tubs of sequins and beads. 

Initial touches.

Catty shoes. 

Sunday, January 12, 2014

The Past Week, Mostly Pictures

It has been a while, because I have again found a new way to organize my daily schedules, or should I say I changed my hour-division again and added an hour of sleep and some hours of work among a few other things. Hence I have been sticking to the new schedule when I was not feeling ill. It must be the chilly weather, or maybe other things I do not know, but in any case I hope next week I'd feel much better, although well, quite a number of things are pending for me now, and I have yet to see how they will unfold. 

Anyway, Tuesday was my Rest Day, and here are bits and pieces of that day. Not exactly related to things I actually did, but here, Tuesday in bite size pieces. 

My Rest Day is my favorite part of the week if it falls on days when I have absolutely no work to do. 

Some of the things I love and use everyday: my pens, pencils, and some ink. I have stopped buying pencils because they're just… too many. Anyway I have given away most of them when I did some clutter-clearing. 

Among the books I am reading now, though I have The Night Circus on my bed. I am re-reading Sabriel and The Artist's Way. I am on the 5th of the xxxHolic series, and that Joseph Campbell book is an introduction by Robert A. Segal. I am reading three other books in Kindle which explains my slow pace because I want everyone to have a turn. I mean no one wants to be ignored, right. 

I like pencils with cute designs, at least for writing things down. That odd brush is for cleaning some books. Some pens for writing my Morning Pages. I've been writing them religiously for the past quarter or so. I believe it helped me get out of my depression last year. And recently I have realized being over someone because I noticed I just no longer wrote about him. It's quite a relief, really. Like, finally. From this moment onward I need to actually hear It as though from a Tilney, a Bingley, or a Colonel Brandon, or else I just get Willoughbied. Yeah like that's a word.  

Somebody reacted to that Gaping Thing. 

Do you know that more and more kids nowadays are imitating this pose and asking their moms or grandmas to pray TO them? I think that is cute up to a certain extent XD

A three-pm lunch. One of those rare meals I do not have greens. 

The cat's toys. I think there are three of these balls. And then there were two mice. Now there is just one mouse, all colorful and waiting to be torn apart. 

We actually use a chalkboard and chalk to list the episodes we are watching. I remember most of my grade school years, when somebody always had to write a list of "Noisy Pupils" on the board, and the weirdo student who wrote on that list would write out the names of our classmates even if they just sneezed and chuckled about it for like three seconds. My name never made it to the list however, and I always got a star for that, but only because They Could Not Hear The Conversations In My Head. 

Autumn M&Ms. 

These are called Coco Caramel Rolls. A kendo classmate MAKES them. He makes all these desserts and he sticks to natural and organic ingredients as much as possible. 

Some artwork by my late grandfather. 

The tree my dad put up. They've taken it down earlier this week, together with all the other Christmas elements so there is remarkably more space around the house now :))

Coins, trinkets, cat heads. All normal. 

Those yellow roses are wooden, but so delicate. Quite pretty actually. And, lovely voodoo doll. 

He was sulking because we wouldn't let him kill lizards. 

This bear is so cute that he sometimes starts to look edible. Anyway he used to be my son (long story). His name is Troy. His full name is Destroyer. 

Blank notebooks, waiting to be filled up. 

I write down really inspirational quotes in this Moleskine and then I refer to it each day and I think Leo Tolstoy did something similar. Except perhaps he did not have a butterfly paperclip. Or maybe he did, we just do not know. 

So those were from Tuesday. Wednesday I spent most of my day peacefully and happily writing for work. For some reason I was so cheerful that day. As I wrote I had M&Ms as companions. 

They are very effective writing companions. They cheered me on!

I also painted something curious, something odd, something I find really cute.

Flight (January 2014)

Thursday, I did some writing again, but I was not as cheerful. I wonder why. Maybe I was very, very exhausted. 

My writing companions for Thursday. Dark chocolate from my dad. Mind you, I do not always have such companions when I write. Sometimes it's just tea or coffee :D 

As for the weekend, well, I was briefly ill yesterday so I was not able to go to kendo class. I did paint something tiny though, but that's for another post as I do not have a photo yet :D Today, I did not have my usual Sunday morning work, so I wrote instead, and thus was able to submit a writing assignment I was planning to submit later this afternoon. I shall just get another assignment after lunch and get right to it. Happy Sunday, everyone, and take random pictures too :3

Monday, January 6, 2014

Practising Some Peachcraft

I spent most of the first week of the new year practising witchcraft peachcraft. 

Friday, I dug out an old corduroy skirt that has become so bland to me hence I have not used it in ages. I decided it was finally time to give life to it and wear it again. I got a patch and buttons and the corresponding thread colors :3

On one part I placed a row of various buttons. 

On another is a patch and random buttons bigger in size.

Saturday before kendo I added an initial layer of color to my anthurium-dragonflies warmup

Sunday I did lines thus completing the first part of a still-unfinished painting.

It is Humming with a certain energy, a simmering question of whether they are happy now and if they are deeply truly happy now after all this chaos that is now in the hands of all of us. I can only paint. 

Earlier today I continued adding the next layer of colors to the warmup, and when I feel more comfortable working with it, I shall start buying the canvases for the main pieces. Then, after this commission, I have another one lined up, which is scary too, but is also exciting. Come to think of it, these are my second and third, the first one bartered for a competition shinai which I brought with me to and used in Penang for the tournament :D They are all very different from one another, but I shall do my best :3 Meanwhile I shall focus on the warmups until I get to the real thing. 

The thing is, even if I sometimes find myself pressuring myself on my art pieces, I still enjoy my time most when I am painting or crafting (next to which are reading, gaming, and kendo with the right environment), hence I think everyone should spend at least an hour or so each day doing something he or she loves because it does make a difference in lifting one's spirits, and in making the unpleasant parts of the day a bit more tolerable. 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Really, What the Fudge

Even after my oosouji /major cleaning days before last year ended, I am still on to cleaning up things digitally. And I came across this old Evernote notebook / journal where I am now deleting horrific things from, and I saw a September 2012 entry, where I sounded completely mental. It was about this person I was inexplicably drawn to before and how lame I would be when he was around. One night I was so bothered by how affected I was earlier that same evening so I had to write about it to get it out of my system. Reading it now, it is a very what-the-fudge moment. Really, what the fudge. 

In one part, I wrote, "I arrive in the dojo and I see him and I go to pieces." 

So, alright, perfectly understandable, because I could somehow pretend I was intact and sober. 

And then after a few more lines of rambling it becomes loonier. 

"I see his hair up close and I become deaf to everything else." 

So. What the fudge. 

AS IF that was not bad enough, my last line got the trophy for The What-The-Fudge award, complete with Insanity Confetti and the background music that Only Certain People Hear. It was about that moment when we were lining up for keiko with the teachers.

"...and I was watching him. I was not even watching him do kendo. I was watching him Standing There wtf."


I mean WHO watches a STANDING PERSON :)) Really, WHO???? :))

In any case, I just had to share that creepily funny thing, and I guess my laughter has a large dose of relief in it that it has all died down and I did not do anything horribly regretful and I cannot even remember anymore how any of it felt like. So now I laugh at myself :)) But seriously, I think this is a reminder, albeit a painfully awfully funny (largely embarrassing) one, that no matter how intense something has been that we feel we won't ever get past it, we always, always do get over it in the end :) 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Me, By Me

I was going to draw a steampunk animal which I "drew" in my head last night as I fell asleep, but I have forgotten what it looked like, and then there was this sudden compulsion to make a self-portrait. 

Because I Never Arrived From Overseas (Jan 2014)

I was going to add some odd touches to the face, but then decided against it. So this is me. After I finished it, I realize that right now, I can only rely on myself to draw me :)) I do really, really want to forget a promise made to me regarding a drawing of me which never got to me, and most of the time I succeed at forgetting it, except that sometimes something reminds me of it, and then I get irked and quite disappointed all over again. When I wrote to the Year 2013, I asked if it could take away these kinds of nuisance, but apparently not, and on the first hour of the year I find that it still rode onto 2014 and was blinking on my screen. I'd really rather it completely stops, so that I can completely move on. In a way, I guess it is better that I never received anything because it will all just remind me of how Everything Suddenly Came To A Halt and next thing I know, I was just, you know, insignificant :))

In any case, I am glad at how this self-portrait turned out, though some would argue that it is rather scary :)) I am fine with scary, and it is not really new to me :)) Tomorrow I shall get back to working on a commissioned piece of work (or pieces of work), for which I have been doing dreamy warmups. This time I shall try coloring the said warmups and experiment with the colors I can use. Soon enough I hope to actually work on it on canvas. I think I have been taking my time before the actual work because I am quite terrified of messing it up. Anyway I shall do my best :3 For now I shall finish a mini-project I have with a skirt of mine, since I have decided to get back to practising my sewing more often now. My current project is just hand-sewing though, and later on I shall get back and deal with the Machine :)) 

By the way, I realized that yesterday's artwork was my first of the year, and what a way to start the year's series of art pieces with a girl who is Confined and Smiling :)) 

So, I shall go now and sew on cute buttons! I have been having a great weekend since yesterday, and I hope you all are too! 

P.S. Even if I sound beefy at times :)) I still believe that things happen because they must, and no matter how unpleasant they may seem, they still serve a purpose. So even if that thing never made it to me, I am certain it was for the better. I am just occasionally irritated because I don't like the occasional achey relapses, but I guess it is now much easier for me to fly away because there are less things weighing me down. So now, I fly :3
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